Tooth Fairy of Doom
by Alumintia
Summary: Zim and GIR are taking a very human stroll through the park when the hiddeous Dib monster fortells great doom that will come in a pink tutu.
1. Like Tacos

A.N. I don't own it! I swear! Please don't shoot me with those death glares!

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"Like tacos?"

"No, GIR, not like tacos."

"Like Ta-COS?

"No, GIR, not like tacos."

"Like-"

"Si_lennnnce_!" Zim shouted as he spun around knocking a rather clumsy and wobbly green dog to the ground. The current conversation had been repeated several times since they had left their base and it was beginning to make Zim's brain swell with stupidity.

They had spent the better part of the morning walking through a battle field waste-dump that the humans commonly referred to as a public park. This odd place came fully equipped with torture devices for hanging children called 'monkey bars' and vendors that sold something resembling bile. The birds were chirping while they ate garbage, the trees glistened with waxy coverings that they had evolved to in order to protect themselves from the vile sun's death rays, it was a truly wretched place.

Little black paws shot in the air and began to wiggle to and fro. "I like eating soap on a Monday."

"Listen carefully GIR, I need you on your best behavior. The big headed human is following us, though I do not know exactly where he is, I can feel it in my Invader veins!" Zim stretched him arms out with clenched fists.

"Who? Dib? He's other there," GIR, still on the ground, put a paw in the direction of a nearby park bench being scaled by rather large headed boy with fitting glasses.

"Zim!" The boy growled while narrowing his eyes, which only managed to make his head look even bigger. "You! I knew I'd find you here!"

"Ah, misshapen worm baby, I knew you were there the whole time," Zim crossed him arms and turned his chin up.

"Stop this Zim! I know what you're up to! You and this Tooth Fairy…THING!" Dib shook his index finger at the freakish looking boy.

"Lies! I know nothing about this _fairy_ or why it may _tooth._" Zim chanted back while pointing at the now awkwardly high standing Dib. GIR pointed at both of them.

Dib's eyes went half lit and in exasperation he asked, "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"Filthy LIESSSS!"

"Uh, yeah,… so I guess what you don't know will just rip your brains out. Later, Zim!" Dib seemed slightly less crazy which usually correlated to him being somewhat happy. He gingerly climbed down off the park bench and began to walk away.

"Wait!" Zim tackled Dib before he could move more than two steps. There was an awkward silence.

"Um…why did you tackle me?"

"Oh yes! Now I remember! You have still not told _Zim_ about your alien hunting Tooth Fairy plans!" The green extraterrestrial was so close to Dib he was spitting on him.

"No, I thought it was your plan, now I'm going home. Man, you're not a good listener."

"TELL ZIM!"

"Ultimate Wrestling!" GIR shrieked and tackled Zim off of Dib. Dib stood up, took two steps back, turned around, and ran as fast as he could.

Zim wretched the little green dog from his face and snarled, "Look what you've done GIR! Now we know nothing of this Tooth Fairy device. Dib monster said that it may eat our brains. Well, maybe just my brain since you're programming doesn't allow for a brain."

"Aw, I like brains. They taste like chicken! I'd love to eat my brain."

"I know, GIR. I know. Now for business. Computer!" Zim tapped his watch to contact his base.

"Yes, master?" An electronic voice with the slight hint of personality rang through the watch.

"Look up all that is known about this weapon that is 'tooth fairy.'"

"Uh…yes. The, uh, Tooth Fairy is a, um, actually a pixie from…Cleveland! He steals bones out of young babies and…"

"I LIKE babies!!!" GIR squealed.

The computer continued undaunted, "He carries a magical scythe with a throwing star attached to the end for, uh, MAXIMUM PAIN! Oh, and he wears a tutu."

Zim tapped his watch again and puffed his chest out in victory. He seemed unaware of all the stares that the previous few minutes had garnered him. "Well, since we are not actually earth _scum_, we have nothing to fear. Come, GIR, we still need to collect data from these creatures called acorns."

Just as Zim turned around a large individual came crashing up through the dirt. The hair on this humanoid was pink and frazzled like it had been a nest to some weasel. In fact, a weasel did jump out as soon as the head had surfaced. The ears came to sword like points on sides of its head. One eye was a piercing blue while the other was dangling from the eye socket by a spring which jiggled as the being spun. Its pink overalls were overtaken by a large pink tutu. The thing began to wave a wand with a club-like yellow star attached to the end madly through the air. Zim, who had tumbled down, grabbed GIR and held him up as a sacrifice.

In jumping inflections, much like how you would expect a cow to talk, the individual sputtered, "I am the TOOOOOOOTH Fairy MOOOOORTALS!"


	2. A Trail of Minty Freshness

"You're the Tooth Fairy?!?" Zim shouted from behind GIR.

"Yes!!! I am here to rid the planet of all its putrid teeth!" The stumbling Tooth Fairy screamed in fury.

A sickly bald man screamed, "It's the Tooth Fairy of doom!" and the people began to scramble every which way, running headlong into trees and carelessly falling into random uncovered sewers. The 'fairy' was still swinging her wand-club around so she ended up pummeling a few fleeing victims.

"Well, that's good then. Invaders don't have teeth, only skeletal protrusions. So you can go destroy all those humans now," Zim smirked as he waved the defective pink puff off.

"Noooooo teeth? Well that makes yoooooou worst of them all!!!" shrieked the Tooth Fairy. Its mad clubbing began to take on a more focused aim towards Zim.

Zim rolled away until he felt he had enough space to stand up. "GIR! Get us out of here!"

"Okey dokey!" GIR shot straight up into the air with the unfortunate alien boy screaming and hanging on to his loosely stitched black ear. A trail of slightly minty smoke billowed out as they shot through the clouds and an unsuspecting pidgeon. They had just begun to pass through the upper levels of atmosphere. The pressure had changed so fast Zim's eyes were about to pop out.

GIR stopped suddenly. "All out!"

"All out of what, GIR?" Zim's question was answered as the two began to plummet back towards the planet. Zim resumed screaming. GIR did mid air cartwheels until they both smacked into the pavement of a forgotten street with a sickening splat and metallic ping.

The little green dog shot up from the impact hole, "I'm OH-kay!"

Zim groaned, "GIR, why didn't you go towards the base?"

"I like pidgeons."

Seeing that reasoning would get him no where, Zim laid back and waited for his spine to grow back in place. "Just make sure that no people see me like this. They may be temped to take me to that wretched hospital thing and do tests. It would jeopardize our chances of figuring out who is behind this Tooth Fairy."

"And the mission!" GIR cheered.

"Ah, yes, the mission."

"The mission is like tacos!"

"No GIR, not like tacos."

"Like tacos?"

Two hours later…

"Finally, my spine is HEALED!" Zim sat up in victory.

GIR pointed to the alien's back. "Except for the twig."

"Wha-?" Zim spun around to reveal a rather large twig sticking out of his back. "Get it off! GIR! Get it off!" Zim tried to scratch it of himself, bu his stubby little arms could not reach it.

"Awwww, I like it!"

"No Gir you have to take it out of my back!"

"I don't wanna!"

"EH!" Zim winced in mental agony. "I'll just have the computer take care of this hideous candy cane sticking out of me once we get back home. Come, GIR, we WALK!"

So they tracked through the wasteland better known as suburbia. However, when they reached the cul de sac which was supposed to have the Irken invader's home base, they found a mashed up pile of scrap metal with star shaped emprints covering it.

"Who could have done this?!?" Zim growled and kicked a rolling gnome's head. "I'm willing to bet it was that fat-headed 'paranormal' freak, Dib."

"Actually," a muffled computer's voice came from under the wreckage, "It was that Tooth Fairy-thing."

"How can you be so sure?" Zim shouted skeptically into the rubbish.

"It bashed me with it's wand."

"Hm, well I still blame Dib. Computer, repair yourself while GIR and I investigate the human weirdo."

"No need to go anywhere, Zim! I'm already here!" Dib hopped out from behind a bush and began accosting Zim and his surroundings with his camera like a horde of paparazzi. "This is great! This alien garbage pile will be all over the internet when I'm done! Ah, thank you Tooth Fairy!"

"So you are in league with this Tooth Fairy man-thing!"

"No, gosh Zim, we've already gone over this. I thought it would have been something you created."

"Huh? Why would you ever think that I would create something like THAT?"

Dib, unamused and eyes half lit, dug into his jacket and pulled out two polaroid pictures. One was of Zim's mom-bot and the other of the Tooth Fairy. Sure enough they had the same messy style of hair, eye dangling out, and general choice of attire.

"Lies!"

"These are photos, Zim."

Zim shook his head, deep in thought. "I see, so it seems we have a common enemy. While I hate to say it, I agree we must work together before this toothy doom overtakes us both."

"Um, no, years of running from bullies mean that I can easily dodge it, and I'm perfectly fine with it harassing you."

"So it is settled, we shall work together! Beginning with you pulling this muffin out of my back."

"You are _really_ stupid."

To be continued?


End file.
